the break-up

I was wondering if anyone could remain in a live in relationship with someone(that you are in love with) who is not in love with you anymore? Could you stand the pain of knowing that & stick around just in hope that they will fall back in love with you? I couldn't & now I'm resented for abandoning her..

I started uni degree earlier this year & was constantly doing homework with every spare minute I had to keep on top of the workload & I had no time for her, not enough attention was given to her anymore & this is the main reason she fell out of love..I think she shut down to protect herself from getting hurt..so in a sense I abandoned her first..there were other things as well on both parts such as lying..the worst break up ever! If we have contact it's the blame game over & over..

and boy will i cop it for writing about it here..

Posted: 18-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

NO nu-boi, absolutely NOT......

It's the most damaging, unhealthy, mean, dangerous and HORRIBLE thing to try to cope with.

DON'T be thinking you've abandoned ANYONE - as soon as the love goes - you do TOO....YOU are the most important person to take care of in that situation....

God, I did it, and it KILLED me....

NEVER again...

You are brave to step away, and SMART my friend.

There'll be harsh words and manipulation - but HEY - WHOSE heart is on the line here?

Take care of YOU, I MEAN that ....

Sorry for the caps, but I feel WELL strongly enough to make sure you stay safe in this one.

Scoobs.

Posted: 18-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

Sounds like a case of I dont want you, but I dont want anyone else to have you...
She cant resent you moving on and having a fulfilling life.
Take Scoobs advice Look after you First
Twinkz

Posted: 18-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

I agree nu boi .. you need to look after your heart here.

From what you've written, you have not abandoned anybody. It's over and you had to move on. It was necessary for you to do this because of emotional pain, as we are hearing it.

It's extremely difficult to stay under the same roof under these circumstances .. that is, loving somebody who doesn't love you back. And extremely unreasonable of her to expect you to.

All the best
Maggie.

Posted: 18-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

Well Boi,

I think you've done the right thing if my opinion counts for anything.

Some of us just do what needs doing eh?

Ive been in a similar situation and I can tell you it takes guts to leave.

I salute to you

Posted: 18-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

It all sounds incredibly hard, messy with hurt on both sides and wounded hearts trying to do the best they can at the time.I am sure both sides of the story have merit too.

I know when I was studying the woman I was with was VERY unhappy with me - study had never been part of her life and she felt left out when I was working on stuff - much easier to be with someone who gets it - only you know the ins and outs of the everything that was you together but I wonder if it is possible for both of you to sit down and talk about it all maybe with another person to mediate. Sometimes a letter can mend bridges or at least put the fires out.

Could I stay if it was "just" my partner had fallen out of love with me ? for a while maybe but it would be too hard eventually

add factors such as blame, guilt, lying would make it impossible.

Sometimes it is best to walk away and deal with what we did and how we did it etc and your X may need to do the same thing for herself.

Best wishes to both of you Jas

Posted: 19-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

I would have to walk away,the pain would be too much.
It would be hard but I would need to do it.

Posted: 19-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

I'm currently in a similar position.  Bestfriend and partner decides one day, at least in my view, that she is not in love with me anymore.  this was done in a very childish way with a lot of deciet and lies till I finally called her on it.  Now we are trying to hold on to the friendship.  But...its hard.  One thing I have learned is I'm worth a second chance and I'm worth earning as a partner and friend.  I got demoted to roommate like 12 years wasn't worth anything.  What hurts more is she knew this and didn't tell me for the longest just kept being deceitful.  What hurts more than anything is this was my best friend. I love her with all my heart but you can't hold on to anyone who doesn't recognize your value in their lives. She ultimately hurt us both.  I have totally removed myself emotionally it appears.  But it is hard so good to you for moving on.  If she wants you I'm sure she will know how to find you.  

Posted: 25-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

My recent break up wasn't the nicest either, but I can say that we have managed to create a friendship atleast which I think is beautifull.
We used to live together and work alternate shifts, me by day, her by night, so 'our' time together was very few and far between, as a result we just decided it would be best for both of us to split realising that I wanted more from her and she just couldn't give it, totally understandable, I can't say that it didn't hurt though and there is still that hope of maybe one day

Posted: 27-Jun-2010

Re: the break-up

There is always hope that "one day".  Maybe you two were just at different places for a moment...it happens a lot.  Good luck and its really cool the two of you remain friends.  

Posted: 28-Jun-2010