Lulu75 writes

Hi I am wanting to find a sperm donor in South Australia, He needs to be tested for STDS, and not wanting to be involved with the Baby, just a gift for a woman who desperately wants to have a baby.

Kitt74 writes

I am in the preparing for pregnancy. I am single and have a known donor.. we are going through a clinic.. mainly so I have more support, The donor is a gay man that I have known for many years. I agree with the girl up the top.. the midwife.. who said that mothers come in all shapes and forms and that in the end if you want a child and he/ she will come into the world to someone who loves them that has to be a wonderful thing. How you chose to do it.. single, in a partnership, donorship known or not, adoption, have sex with a man or turkey baster .. people should not be judged. If you want to have a child for all the reasons that matter to you... then you find out the best way that works for you and go for it!!!

spiralsmiles writes

Hi, I've just joined Pink Sofa, so not sure if it's OK for me to start a new question here now, but I'd like to know if anyone else is in same situation. I'm single, 38, & have always wanted a child. Biological alarm clock is no longer responding to me pressing ‘snooze’ button. I had thought of sperm bank, random 1 night stand (apologies to those offended by that idea), but decided the child should have the right to know who his/her biological father was. I’ve nannied for kids aged 6 months to 14 years and know how hard (though wonderful) a job parenting is, and don’t think I can do it alone (full respect to those who can). I recently met a single gay guy who has also wanted a child for a long time. We are thinking about co-parenting, where we both equally bring up the child. The biggest potential difficulty I see, will be future relationships. The 2 of us are happy for each other to be with partners, so long as they are happy with the unusual situation and can provide further lo

Mace_ writes

Adoption: Lesbians cant adopt children in Oz as a couple (single person adoption is available to lesbians who meet the usual suitability standards)

Overseas Adoption: Not available even to single lesbians as all countires Oz has a adoption agreements with, that accept single person adoption, require you to sign a legal document stating that you're not 'homosexual'.

Fostering: Its an option. Though the dept remains the child/rens legal guardian, so you get limited parental rights and usually there is some involvement with the family of origin.

Growing your own: Clinic - lesbians can access fertility clinics.. (though there is some variance from state to state) but the main discrimination seems to be that lesbians are deemed 'socially infertile' not medically infertile, so no medicare rebate is available for up to 6 goes at conception. After that, a treating doctor can deem you medically infertile and eligible for the rebate.

Growing your own: DYI - home insemination, usual

koru writes

Hi all. My partner and I (29 & 30) have been together for nearly 4 years. We have our own house, 2 dogs and 2 cats. Lately we have both been getting very clucky, this has also happened on previous occasions but we've always managed to talk ourselves out of having children, but I don't know if that's going to work anymore. Our issue is more deciding if we do go ahead with the whole 'baby thing', whether to adopt (although we both believe there is a stronger bond with the biological parent/child), or which one of us should become pregnant and which method to use to actually conceive. Do we want to know the father? Do we want the father involved? We have played around with the idea for my brother to donate and (obviously) my partner have a baby, but that just seems wrong to me. Any ideas/ suggestions? Thank you .....!

Briz writes

Beautiful write!!! Given me goose bumps. You're right - All you need is love

babybom writes

Hi I live in Victoria and my partner and I are tryiny to have a baby by Donor insemination we are travelling to NSW to try this. I would like to share my partners Journal entry that we are keeping for our baby.
Hello little Bom
I am very excited to be apart of your existance with my best girl. I have experienced the feelings & thoughts & sights alot of people could only dream of. I have seen it all. In a doctors room I seen the living through a doctors microscope. I them remember seeing the wonderful eyes of a woman who was about to become a yummy mummy. I love you honey I love what I have seen us do together and I love our little bom xxxx
All you need is love love love

writes

As a midwife, I have seen many many different women and their babies.

Women bring their babies into as many different social and emotional "families" as there are stars in the sky.........and the majority of children are loved and wanted.

The saddest thing in the world is to see a baby not wanted, not welcome.
Not just no "daddy" but no one........... not grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers to wait outside anxiously, and begin the long relationships we all need.

As a midwife, I am also seeing more open lesbian women bringing their babies into the world- wanted, welcomed and loved..........and waiting outside, I find grannies, aunts, and extended family to provide support.

If you want a baby, can welcome it, love it and support it...........and have love and support for yourself as you do it.............make the world a better place, and find a way to make it happen.

There is no easy way to be a "good mother" but wanting the child, and having love and suppor

Bushpig writes

I agree that donor details under legislation should not be given if anonymity was guaranteed. However I do think that legislation should be in place so that donors and parentsl should be entitled to make decisions about the information as should the child at a certain age.
Tyren

MR writes

I should have added that I have no real objection to a child conceived by sperm donor having access to their ´father´s´ details, as long as the rights of all parties are considered, and that the donor of the sperm is not penalised AFTER the event by legislative changes, which have not taken into consideration ALL of the issues involved.

After all, if a child contacts the donor parent, when that donor parent doesn´t want contact, they may end up getting hurt very badly indeed by that donor´s rejection.

MR writes

The concept that a child has a right to know their donor´s details raises many issues. Just what details should a child have a right to know? Everything right down to the name and contact details of the donor? Or just physical characteristics, personality, occupation, nationality and medical history?

One of the attractions of sperm donations is obviously the anonymity of it. If you change that, whose rights are you protecting? How will that change the whole dynamic?

Example: A man donates sperm twenty years ago. At the time of his donation, he was informed that all donations are treated as absolutely anonymous.

Many years later, the law changes, allowing all resultant children access to the relevant details that allow them to identify their fathers. The right to anonimity promised to every donor is now nonexistant. What recourse does that donor have if one of those ´children´ should contact him?

Frankly, I am tired of having people invade my privacy under

Bushpig writes

I am also a mother of 3. Two of my children have a father who is abusive and so they were placed in foster care.
I really disagree with your opinion that a child needs a father.
and that lesbian mothers are selfish.
if no "daddy" around.
children need loveing parents the gender of these is irrelevent in my opinion and the quality of parenting is utmost.
I would like to state that iam very pleased that my child was coneived within a lesbian relationship.
she is blossoming, knows her father who is a gay guy but not "daddy" as such.
she has 2 loveing parents who have the same gender. I also know parents who have conceived their children using insemination from sperm banks and know that these children are loved and cared for and wanted and in no way do i see their mothers choose as selfish. These women gave much thought and consideration and went through a very difficult proces to bring their children into the world and much thought is given as to the childrens needs ongoing.
I

Bushpig writes

As far as I can see adoption is not exactly easy. It is fine to say that there are plenty of children in th world already. but lesbians have few options regarding adoption. And children who are adopted overseas or when older often come with a lot of problems , often pple are not aware of these when they adopt.
I have fostered 2 children and then have taken on permanent care of them with my lesbian ex partner this means we have full custody and guardianship under victorian state law.
We also have a child that we conceived using a known donor. Initially I would have liked to
have used a sperm bank however my firends who were adopted convinced me that a child should have the right to meet their biological ĺrent if they wanted to.
However I do have to disagree that a child needs a "Daddy" .
I would also like to say that I do not have any problem with lesbians using a sperm bank, its a personal choose. I do however thinkk that laws should be in place so the access to information a

writes

What about the whole pet option....for some pets are a great kid substitute!!!
When it comes to children who decides, do you both adopt together? Is only one of you the dominant parent?
This is a really hard choice to make, what happens if you split up??
Go for the cats and dogs :)

writes

Adoption and fostering if you have a stable home and lots and lots of love to give!!!!!

JodieW writes

Some womens decision to have children and to know they will never know their father, to me could be a selfish act on the side of the Mother.

Maybe I was lucky? I had a child while I was married to their father. We are not married now, but they do get to know who their father is and quality time with their dad. I would like one more child but have decided its probably not going to be healthy for that child to never know their father or spend time with them. Therefore I won´t be having anymore children of my own.

Before I became a Mother and realised quite what is involved, I may have decided to have a child without their dad being involved. But now I know how complex these issues can become, I can have an informed opinion about it.

Think about what is going to be good for the child (not what is good for you), before deciding to have a child and how you do it.

If you and your partner can´t agree on how to concieve a child, then don´t do it.

writes

Adoption, there are plenty of children in the world without parents.There are also children out there who are currently within a two parent or even single parent enviroment that probably shouldnt even be there.There are children in foster homes and children on the street. I would say if having children is about loving them, rearing them with values etc.... then IVF, donor and surrogate should take the back burner. Lets love and take care of the ones who are already here.

riska writes

ADOPT

MR writes

I think the whole concept of baby making is fraught with problems. Those problems range from the actual decision to have a child through to the means by which you intend to become pregnant through to the parenting of the child when he/she is born. Just finding out what your options are and where you go to take advantage of those options can be difficult enough.

For example, a friend of mine in WA emailed me one day to ask my help in locating appropriate places/organisations in WA, even though I was in Sydney. I had not long moved over from Perth when she emailed me, and knew a few lesbians in various organisations there (think Grapevine/WOW mag for those WA people). As my friend hadn´t long been in WA, she and her partner didn´t know anyone and weren´t part of the ´scene´, so she had no idea where to start. I was able to find some contacts for her to speak with and pass it on, but it made me wonder how many other women were in that situation.

anonymous writes

If you want to have children that is okay but I believe their should be a parental agreement which as a legal document should be drawn up before children are born, whether you are lesbian or not. So their would be no disagreement as to what would happen should you seperate or one of you for some reason should die. I also believe that both women should be recognised as parents of the child on the birth certificate as they are both rearing the child just not one and they both wanted to have the child together not seperate. This should be considered as this is right and just.

kismet writes

Adopt