louisa_two writes

Never do this this to fast,it takes a very long time to get to know someone,if infact ever!!!!!!!you need to look after you,everone needs a bolthole,cos if it all falls apart at least you can havr a roof over your head!

Dideedidi writes

I have never lived with a partner I have always had my own place since the age of 16 and think that maybe I would be the worlds worst person to live with, I have had long relationships one of 4 years and one of 3 but at no point in either of those relationships did I feel the need to move in and live together...........so I guess its all down to the individual person at the end of the day.

Womanchild writes

I've never had a relationship where we didn't live together (one for 5 years, one for 25 years) but I'm wondering if it might work better. My gf and I are very different, i.e., I'm neat, she's messy, I'm a loner, she's loves to socialize. We got along better when we didn't live together and are considering living apart.

I don't know if you can successfully start living apart when you've already lived together.

kaska writes

You know, I have never lived with any woman strictly due to being in a loving relationship before now. As of next Friday, that trend will be broken. I'm scared, overwhelmed, happy, and understand the sheer significance
of committing to this wonderful person on such a life changing level. Now I truely understand the difference between moving in with someone because you have to, and doing so just because you both want to be together. I wish all who read this post all the success in the world with their partners.

hippychild writes

Since my partner and i have got together we have not been apart for more than one night. I think it also depends on the couple as well, if it feels right DO IT!!!

casb302 writes

i have limited experience in living with someone having only done this 3 times before. 2 long term (over 10years) and one short term (30months) despite my shortcomings i do prefer to live with someone however i have conducted relationships living seperately, however these ended not because i wanted persons living with me but more because we met at the wrong times in our lives.nicely put dont you think

myfairlady writes

I don't think it shows any less committment to live apart as opposed to living with someone. If the dynamic works, it works. If it doesn't, it's not going to if you move in.
I like inhabiting my own space, I guess lol!
Think it's quite reasonable to 'let there be space in your togetherness'.
Relationships are as different as each one of us, should there be hard & fast rules about 'this is how it must be' anyway?
Cheers, Miffle

outlawbiker writes

I love living with my partner

outlawbiker writes

I lovr living with my partner.

Dizzy writes

The commitment while living apart would be up to each individual, but on the other hand, from a personal point of view, I wouldnt be in a committed relationship with someone who wasnt willing or eventually looking toward cementing the relationship so to speak.
If there is a promise of future, for sure, give 100%, but if that isnt looming for one reason or another, then my commitment level would be on par with the other parties commitment. Well thats my ideal anyway, whether it works in practice is another matter lol

tauruspisces writes

living with a partner. Where is the commitment when you live apart?

Summer writes

I have lived with two partners, first one we moved in together after 6 months, bought a house together after 12 months, moved state at 18 months and broke up at 3 years. I don't think we did the moving in together to fast (we had known each other for years), buying the house was way too soon.
Partner No-2, 7 months after first ended, moved in together way too soon -circumstances she needed somewhere to live-2 months we'd been seeing each other, knew each other for about 4 months. I believe if we had not moved in together and just continued dating we would have lasted 6 months or less-instead we were together 18 months and it was so not a good relationship.
I would live with another partner again only after I knew her well and for a lot longer, if she had kids I'd think long and hard about whether I wanted to live with her at all.
You know when/if it's right if you know whats right for you.

treewise writes

living apart even though its hard at times........even having the key to her place can be tricky..........also leaving stuff at each others place seems to change things

moodyrabbitt writes

Both. Its nice and exciting to live apart- to miss someone, want them, long for them. I have co-habited 3 times and the security is nice
BUT, you need to do it for the right reasons, i.e. wanting to be together and you have to have your own lives or it gets dull.
Dont do it to make a relationship better, to save money or for convenience alone cos it wont work!

anonymous writes

My partner and I have been living together for 3 months now. After almost 18 months of a long distant relationship between UK and Australia finally we are together.

However we have kinda of thrust ourselves into living together out of lack of money on my part. Finding life very expensive in the UK...however if given the choice I would live separately.
Having said that it has been a quick learning curve for us to get to know each others habits good and bad...and we generally get along really well.

I do enjoy living with her but I worry that it is too full on and also that I have never really had my own place yet (31) always shared with people and I have this longing to have my own pad which is conflicted with wanting to live with a partner. (I have moved into her flat + flatmate, already set up etc not much room to add my own touch)

I guess it's a small flat so theres no where that you can get away from each other and I need my own space.
My partner has always wanted me to l

Haley writes

My partner and I are currently in the process of moving in together. We have been together going on 4 years. In these four years you could say we have "kinda been" living together but now we are in the process of making it permanent. I go through times when I am a little scared especially when we are both PMS...LOL..but then 90% of the time we are comfortable in each others space. I guess you have to always be determined to make it work no matter what.

writes

I tend to agree with Wyldfyre31. We both own our own homes, and when you have had the chance to build your own space in a house you own, it is even more difficult to risk losing that in the hope that a relationship will last.

I want to be able to find a partner I can live out my life with. At the same time I really want to
keep the house I have bought and made my own.

On the other hand, if I found the right person, and we could both get together to buy a house together, then we would each still have our own space in that shared house. It is only the living in somoene elses house which worries me.

sticky writes

My g/f wants to move here from l/pool soon. I´m so nervous, sometimes i want her to move but sometimes i don´t, any ideas how i talk about it to her w/o sounding negative and make her feel unwanted??

Ms Megabyte writes

I will ´cross that bridge´ if I ever come to it, but I ain´t in no hurry to go near that bridge.

wyldfyre31 writes

Still deciding whether I´d do it again! I think it´s important to be able to have your own space to fall back on in case it all falls apart. It is nice to come home to your partner every day though......guess it all comes down to personal preference.

sherbet writes

I think that if you BOTH love each passionately, are committed to work through changes that happen in both of you instead of chucking in the towel ´cause it is all too hard, realise that realationships change and you need to grow with them as you may both grow at different paces too and can be oooh so patient when you´d rather scream.....it may work. Kids...if you have ´em be prepared for it all not to be ´happy´ families..specially blended families...don´t live in one or the others houses...choose a new place together. Give each other space...don´t do ´ownership´ of each other. Would I do it again???Don´t know...still recovering from the last 8 years of being in a one sided passionate relationship...at the moment its too damb terrifying

kittycat223 writes

living with your partner because then you get to know more of what they are like at home.

writes

i think that gradually is best so that u can get to know each others annoying habits......if u stay at each others places overnight for a while then u can really see how the other person lives and if u want to move in.....when u both feel the tim is right then take the plunge....if u don´t like it then u can always move out bu still stay together as a couple.....

writes

I would maybe consider living in the same street as a compromise and if she were undoubtedly the right one maybe even next door.

Ms Megabyte writes

Live apart depending on how long you´ve been together, but just hang out at each others places a lot instead. Then you both still have your own places and independence.

writes

"To live together or not to live together".. that is the Question?

jetty writes

hmm met my ex then after a year bought a house together. moved in started living together we were independant didn´t live in each others pockets did things together. loved coming home to hugs and kisses but after 9 yrs later my ex leaves me for a married f/bi i am still dumb founded as no explaintion was given. would i do it again move in with the girl of my dreams probably not would be very hesitant to do so. i would like to have seperate houses although u really don´t know the person until u live with them so which way would i go??? hhmmm keep my own house don´t want to be stung again. love my own space girls u do finally adjust trust me great circle of friends help.
happy girl hunting everybody

writes

Definitly living together is the way to go.. I believe if you know what you want in a relationship and the person you choose you have a relationship with also knows wat they want then living together should not be an issue. There are certine commitments that need to be forfilled in a relationship.Living with your partner is not a job we have to do its what we choose to do and we should all learn to enjoy the time we have with each other and stop all the worry about suffication because If I had a woman to share my hopes and dreams with then theres nothing on this earth that could make me not want to give my whole committed self to her by living together.

writes

whatever feels right for you i guess. I moved in pretty quickly with my ex (ok so it didn´t work out but not because we had different taste in interior design). I loved living with her, even if didn´t appreciate it fully at the time. if you get it right they will start doing your washing and you get cooked for every now and then - that´s cool.
Down side? You´re direction in life can get a little subsumed by the whole ´we´ thing. But if you don´t spend every second in each other´s pockets u´ll b ok. allow yourselves space.
x

chick1ebabe writes

not all girls wanna move in with their gfs so soon. i didn´t want to. my ex was pushing it. i was a weak thing and just gave in. my advice is not to get pressured into it. we need time to do the fun dating stuff first, not throw the relationship into a serious "marriage" type arrangement within the first month!!! argh! if only i knew then what i know now...

leogirl writes

ive heard that same joke but the answer was furniture! so similar...and its scary coz there are alot of girls who get like that! guess they can only learn the hard way!

phydo writes

well bin alone for sooooo long it would be fun/interesting/difficult/awful/joyful to share my space with another person again. Jumped in too soon last time, i think a period of separateness is appropriate b4 living together. Maybe more of a problem 4 young people to give each other breathing space. Hope so.

oceangal writes

Living together is wonderful.
A smile, and a hug after a days hard work makes living worth while.
someone to share a laugh, a giggle, a cry, a tickle, the washing up, a tease, someone to please.
Its GREAT - a two year honeymoon is what we have been on - and more to come.
Lovely!!!
Oceangal

writes

If I do ever meet ´the one´, then I would like to live together - eventually, after we´d been together for a few years. One of my friends moved her gf in on the first date and two months later they bought a house together. Five months down the line they are no longer together and don´t even speak to each other.

When I do live with someone, I would need to have my own space, somewhere I can go just to be on my own. I need my own space. I couldn´t stand feeling smothered by someone. That´s why I wouldn´t consider moving in with someone until we had been together for a few yesrs.

TIFF writes

I moved directly out of home into my girlfriend´s place, and never again I vow. I think in many ways it attributes to the breakdown of relationships. But then again if you have the right personality it might be the best thing for your relationship. But I know with mine, it never gave us our own personal space and stupid little pet peeves about which toliet paper to buy blew into major arguements. Also I believe that if you live with your girlfriend you may run the risk of loosing touch with alot of your friendship base, and some part of your independence. If you live with a roomate/roomates than your life has to involve someone else other than your girlfriend (your roomate and his/her needs) if you live with your partner then u tend to spend more exclusive time with them and less with friends. Those little issues have turned into major ones in my relationship and if I could do it over, we wouldn´t have moved in together.

writes

Someone once told me "living with a woman is HARDER than living with a bloke", that was from a gay girlie. Hearing such remarks I thought yeah right couldnt possibly be. Well was I wrong. Those words are so true. Would I do it again, yes but with caution.

Just a small non deep thought of mine.

Cheers....

chick1ebabe writes

when i met my last gf we lived separately. i had my place and she had hers. yet we never spent a night apart. we either both slept at my place or both at her place. it was good then. then i moved in with her (it seemed silly paying two rents). bad idea. if i was to live with someone again, we would get a new and different place together. and not share with anyone else (we did live with a third person for awhile). also, it would a long while before i live with someone again. it is obvious that people make more of an effort to see you if they don´t live with you. call me old fashioned, but i like spending time with my girl. if i work all week, i´d like to see her as much as i can on the weekends. but if we live together then chances are, she wouldn´t be so bothered seeing me or not. i hate that. it makes me feel like i´m just part of the furniture. i´m all for living individual lives, but i wanna see my girl too!!!

writes

I´d have to agree with everyone´s comments. there are pros and cons to living together and apart. guess t depends what type of people you are, how compatible you are, and what you both want from life and a relationship.

i know that for the past few years i have been living with my partner of 6 and a half years (now broken up) and it wasn´t all a bed of roses. i think you need to make sure that you both can retain some personal space and stay true to yourself. it also donesn´t help if there´s an imbalance between anything eg. neat/untidy, dependent/independent.

having said this if i was to fall truely, madly, deeply in love with the woman of my dreams, i think i´d want to spend every waking moment by her side. may the godess help me if things were to go belly up, though!

bex_mk writes

Living together is great until it goes wrong and you have nowhere to run to. If there´s kids involved too, and you have to wait for the house to sell before you can be apart, then I can guarantee it will be your worst nightmare - tenfold!!! I HAVE experienced this so BE SURE.

writes

Hi again,
Just wanted to say that I thought my relationship was "right" (and it was for a long time) but it still broke up when we thought it was forever. So even when you think she´s "the one", it doesn´t mean anything. You just don´t know until you try. SO while I might seem anti co-habitation, that is just my personal choice because of what I have experienced (and there are other factors involved) but sure..if you really want to share EVERY aspect of your life (and believe me, there is NO privacy in a long-term live-in relationship) then leap right in. It could be the most wonderful thing you have ever done. But if it doesn´t work, be prepared. Don´t blame each other and make alternative arrangements if you still want to be a couple. There´s nothing wrong with that. Ultimately, your heart should rule your head, but if your head wins out, then it wasn´t meant to be.
(happy mardi gras)

writes

This is a dilemma,I agree that when there´s children at home,It can be confusing for them especially when they where used to having just mum. Therefore,without the kids acceptance any chance,of the relationship,lasting no matter how much you bend over backwards,to adapt,and understand,where,the children are coming from there input,usually determines,the success of the relationship.

tarwil writes

I like living with my partner but I won´t be making the same mistake of moving in straight away. I agree with Z9Girl. One year and 1 day of dating would give an idea of what the other person is like.

Also can´t stop each other from doing your own thing once in a while.

Goalie writes

If you´re thinking of living with someone, the first question you should ask yourself is ´How will living together improve our relationship.. in fact, will it improve our relationship ?´

I´m going through this very dilemma at the moment. My gf and I live 400 miles apart. Although we see each other at least every two weeks, it can be difficult at times. Therefore, I have taken the decision to pack my bags, get a new job and move to the wilderness of Scotland to be with her.

Will it improve our relationship ? The very least it will do is show us if we are right for each other... it will demonstrate if we can accept ´warts and all´... it will tell us if we are able to compromise...

It´s better to try something and fail, than to wonder for the rest of your life, what if... ?

writes

Well after 14 yrs of having a partner live with me, I can say that I definitely want to live apart. However I would not mind if she lived close to me at all, in fact that would be lovely. But no..I have just discovered personal freedom and am not willing to share my home or my privacy, but I might change my mind in the distant future if it´s the right person.
Besides, I like the idea of meeting to spend time together without having to talk about dishes and who has to pick up dog poop. I wasn´t put on this earth to wash someone else´s dirty clothes and I resent anyone expecting me to. I think I am a better person for living by myself and that is only going to benefit any partner that I have.

clash and taz writes

want the coupledom but want my own house. difficult when one is a slob(me) and the other is very neat.

Dove4 writes

Living together and children. Hmmm
1. having her in my life totally would be great BUT in having children I don´t know if they could cope with the fact the children and there life would go before ours did.
2. It would be great to still live seperately considering what I went through with my X I don´t know if I would be that willing to give up some of independence.
Tough ?
3. On a whole I would say yes, but past history says no, becuase of children and the necessity life brings to them and what if understanding doesn´t exist in a relationship, what a big difference it can make.
cheers Happy Mardi Graas Everyone!!!!!!

writes

Have been living through this decision lately...I thought together was better, but after 4 years living alone, I can´t seem to adjust. I don´t want to talk about the vaccuuming or who needs to mow the lawn.
However, I´m not sure that she agrees. I´m sure that I want to commit to the relationship forever, but maybe it just makes her insecure that I don´t want to share a house.
What do you do when you disagree about this major choice in a relationship?

writes

...i know it is not the topic of conversation but,...HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!...

kirsty writes

Ideally, if I met THE ONE, I would want to live together, however I also wonder if I would be able to cope with sharing my space all the time. I have never lived with a long term partner. I shared my house with a girlfriend on a temporary basis for 7 weeks and it was hell. It was the end of our relationship. I guess I am used to haivng my space and I couldn´t handle having no where to go to get away from her. I think we all need our space at times. Also she was extremely selfish and fought like cat and dog with my daughter (who was 3 at the time).
One day I would like to live with my partner but she would have to be a very independent woman who knew that for a relationship to be strong and last it needs to have two strong individuals who, LOVE each other, but do not NEED each other.

Z9Girl writes

If I was totally in love I´d wanna live together. Share our lives, that´s the whole point. Be a part of each other - though still independant beings of course.
But early in a relationship it´s easy to be swept away and rush into living together too soon. A year and a day is my guideline.

leogirl writes

I prefer living together, but not to rush into it! I dont think you need to wait till you know they are "the one" but making sure you feel you have a future would be good!

Both have advantages and disadvantages - and I can say that because I have done both and both were long term.

Downsouth writes

Definitely living together! Especially for those emergencies when you really need sex!